I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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