You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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