That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
