Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
