I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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