Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
