I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
