Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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