I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
