apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
