Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The best revenge is premature balding
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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