just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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