Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
