This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
