I have demons in me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
