You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
