It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Watching her eat just hurts me
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
