Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
