after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
