it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
