I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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