help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize