just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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