I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
