Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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