another moral hangover. fuck.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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