I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
