I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was born a porn star she said
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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