these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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