Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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