You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
