if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
