remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
