I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
