Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize