I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
