Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
