I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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