My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
