i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
