Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
