It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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