its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
