How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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