She's JV to your varsity
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
