I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
