We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
