my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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