So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
