She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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