If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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