Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
