we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
