New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
