Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
