You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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