A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
