I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
