Kiss
Puke
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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