well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize