How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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