I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
