I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize