I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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