Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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