the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize