just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
