One girl and one boy is just not enough.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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