There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
