I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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