I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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