We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
