I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
