So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
