I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
