I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
