P.S. I can't hear my feet
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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